Moving to a new site

I just wanted to let all my readers know that I have put up a new blog and to please follow me there.

http://shelleyszajner.com/

Thank you,
Shelley

New Row80 Goals

Tags

Row 80 Goals

I’ve been writing and rewriting the same novel for longer than I care to admit. I’m too embarrassed to tell you how long, so lets just call it my War and Peace, and leave it at that.

I have come to view it as a novel with training wheels. I didn’t know what I was doing when I set out to be a writer and naively chose to start with writing a novel first, instead diving into short stories. It would’ve been so much easier to learn the craft with fewer pages to write, but that’s not what I did, and it won’t help me to get where I’m going, which is to FINISH THIS BEAST. Or, at the very least, finish this draft in 80 days. Yeah, I’d be happy with that. Then I just might be able to take those training wheels off.

So I humbly submit my goals for this round, knowing that I will be modifying them sometime in the future:

Ultimate Goal: Finish the current draft of Oghalon.
HOW TO DO THIS:
1. Write everyday, with one day off (this is what Steven King does), even if it is just a scribbled notation (everyone has bad days). The goal is to train myself to write everyday.
2. Start at 250 words per day and increase until I get to 1,000 words per day. Stay in the range of 250-1,000 words. As I get closer to the wire, increase the payload (I can hear my typing fingers groaning already)
OTHER RELATED GOALS:
3. Read 4 books on writing and/or other novels in my genre.
4. ON my day off, I will illustrate the pictures for my novel. That will be my illustration day.

That’s it for now.
Good luck to everyone in this Row80!

Row80 Update: Not too shabby

Tags

B-, Row80

This being my first week of Row80, I’ll have to say that I think I’ve done fairly good job at sticking with the goals that I’ve set for myself. Since this round ends soon, and I just started, I’m going to continue with this round past the end date, but start a new set of goals for the next round.

I’m giving myself a B- for this week.

Why I changed my name

Tags

Rebirth. Emergence. Name Change

So why did I change my name from Szajner to Bax? The simple answer is that I didn’t want it any more. I sent it to Goodwill like a worn out winter coat, no longer in style. Szajner was an old married name and I didn’t see the benefit of having it anymore since I don’t have any contact with my ex, and I didn’t exactly have a rosy relationship with the ex in-laws either.

The problem is that I’ve had it since 1996 and people know me by that name. I wondered if it would be wise at this stage of the game to change it? Seeing the name Bax sit next to Shelley like a foreigner in a plaid suit looks odd to me, but it’s the original name on my birth certificate (Shelley Ann Bax; Bax is my mother’s maiden name). But that name only lasted for 13 months because my step dad married my mother and adopted me at the same time (didn’t discover that secret until I was 17), and abruptly changed my name to Sachleben. I hated that name growing up. No one could pronounce it. Go ahead and try, I dare you.

I got married for the first time in 1988 and my name changed to Waldenmaier, which I kept after my divorce because I had a son and I wanted to give him some stability in an unstable world, but I never resonated with that name either. And then I got married a second time and it changed to Szajner, and GOD ALMIGHTY I was beginning to wonder if I had been cursed with difficult names!

The other all-important reason for changing my name is for the fact that I intend to be a published writer one day and Szajner was a tongue twister. Yeah, it looked cool, but I didn’t think it was the best name for a writer to have, especially a children’s book writer. During a writing session at a local coffee shop, a fellow writer mentioned to me that she thought it would be better if I changed my name to something easier. I agreed, and so, Bax was born, or recycled.

A very close friend of mine said she liked the name Bax, but it seemed rather plain for such a unique woman. Good point, but I am happy to have a plain name for once. I would have settled for Smith or Jones. Really, I would. She also said that I must be comfortable with who I am now, to have chosen the name on my birth certificate. BINGO.

Who am I really?

I have to be a chameleon because I’m always changing my color to suit the current environment. But seriously though, I am not my name(s). I am not a writer, an artist, a mother, a sister, or a daughter. I am not my past and all that happened to me, or my future either. I am none of those things. These are all attachments to an identity that is not the Real Me. The real me is something else entirely. My true essence is a formless and eternal energy, a Soul if you will, experiencing life by squeezing into a meat suit, an incarnation known as Shelley What’s-Her-Name. But to function in this world of form, one needs an ego, an identity and a name. So I went back to my roots, my original name and decided that I want to experience the world as Shelley Bax again. How could I go wrong with that?

Birth. Death. Rebirth.

Shelley Bax

Living an Orgasmic Life

Tags

Orgasmic Life, Self Actualization

Orgasms are nice, don’t get me wrong, but they don’t last very long, a sexy minute at the most. They are even better with someone that you love, a true intimate relationship, but I don’t have that in my life right now, and haven’t had anything resembling the kind love that I would do back flips for, ever. I used to get pretty down about it sometimes, but lately, I’ve noticed that I don’t care about it like I used to, and that disturbed me. It was as if a part of me fell away, and with it, my sense of identity.

I no longer have the same intense drives for the OTHER, for sex, or for that deep union, and now find myself in an unfamiliar hamlet. I discovered that the part of me that sloughed off like a warty toad was my Romantic Self, the one yearning for the faery tale and requisite Prince Charming. That illusionary path, complete with rose-colored glasses, always led me into the thorns of disappointment and pain, so losing it can’t be so bad, can it? It feels weird not expressing that part of myself anymore, but it’s gone, so I can’t turn it on anymore. I’d just blow a fuse.

Energy abhors a vacuum.

That empty space-place-hamlet wasn’t going to stay empty for long and it hasn’t. My creativity has been off the charts; writing, painting, starting a biscotti business, developing metaphysical classes, and most recently, I’ve decided to change my name. I feel like this fountainhead of creativity is looping back into mySelf. I truly believe that it has something to do with me rerouting my life force energy, which is usually expressed as sexual energy. It got redirected into other areas, namely, my creative life and art.

Since I didn’t have a relationship for any length of time in the past seven years that I have been living on my own, the focus has been solely on me and on what I feel, what do I want to have, to know, to be, to accomplish, to try, to experience, to love, for me? This has been a very healing process, not selfish at all, and has brought me closer to my authentic creative Self.

Who says life can’t be orgasmic?

Some Tibetain Monks live in an orgasmic state of being on a daily basis, so it’s certainly possible, not that I want to forgo ever having sex again, or enter into the right relationship to achieve this state. I still want those things, I really do, but for now I find this idea of being orgasmically celibate intriguing. I might as well figure out how to build a house in my new hamlet, because I think that I’m going to be staying there awhile.

Row 80, a late start

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Row 80

This is my first official baby step into the World of the Row 80 Round of Writing (Mad Max World, I’m sure). A late comer I am, since round 2 is about to end in a few weeks. But as they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

I look forward to meeting everyone on this journey, and may your goals be attained and wishes come true! If not, give me a call and I’ll whip up some good old fashioned magic to help kick it in gear (tip: think pink, bubbly, happy thoughts).

I’m going to keep my goals simple for this round, because quite frankly, I have a tendency to put too much goal food on my proverbial plate, and that usually leads to a nasty case of indigestion (Burp! Ah … that felt good).

So here’s the skinny:

1. Write 250 words per day.
2. Submit a piece of writing to the SJWG Anthology by July 1st.
3. Spend 1-2 hours per day working on plot for my novel.

Oh wait! One more goal …
4. Be able to fit into my bikini again.

The Red Feather

Tags

Archangel Uriel, Color Symbolism, Feather Symbolism

I love the way symbols manifest themselves in my life these days and the synchronicity that goes along with it. It’s this kind of magic that makes my kiddie heart laugh with delight! It makes all of the struggles, hard work, and confused glances that I get from people who don’t, won’t or can’t believe that another world could exist beyond this one, so worth it.

Enter the Red Feather.

But first, let me introduce Derek O’Neill, a transformational therapist, author, healer, speaker and humanitarian. He has this online radio show that I’ve been listening to for the past two weeks. I’ve also seen him seven times in NYC when he decided to come across the pond (he’s from Ireland) and teach us a few tricks. I can say without a doubt that he’s the real deal and has helped me and many others with his wisdom and healing. He is a master teacher if there ever was one.

Today, as I listened to several of Derek’s shows on dream interpretation as well as color, I learned that the dreams you have just prior to waking will affect your mood for the rest of the day. Fascinating stuff. And when you decide what color that you want wear for the day, you do so on an unconscious level. Brown could mean that your life is falling apart and blue means that you want to communicate or reach the sky. Yellow is a nurturing color and lilac very spiritual. Red is energetic and powerful and active.

I left work early and headed to the Christmas Tree Shop to return some curtains, and when I got out of my car, right behind it in the parking lot was a red feather. I knew that it was a message, so I scooped it up and when I got home, I started to Google what a red feather might mean.

There can be many interpretations for any symbol, so I usually just go with my intuition. Nine times out of ten the answer will be connected to whatever important issue(s) is going on in your life, and anything that has an emotional factor to it, the more potent the symbol will be. Our emotions send out powerful streamers of energy that reach our loved ones, Spirit Guides and Angels on the other side most strongly, and it is usually one of them that will respond to us with a symbolic message in dreams or waking life. In my case, it was a red feather.

I knew that feather represented Spirit and Air and the Winged Ones, and red is the Root Chakra, the first one at the base of the spine and one that I need to keep activated and healthy because it keeps me grounded and focused. In fact, I know that I need red to balance out my blue aura and my constant mental/spiritual activities.

Searching on Google, I discovered that a red feather symbolizes a physical and spiritual warrior. Red, which symbolizes the blood of ones spirit, body, and enemies. Well, I don’t have any enemies, at least none that I know of.

So I kept looking and found that feathers represent Angels, and in particular, Archangel Uriel. He is the archangel of wisdom and is in charge of the red angel light ray. People sometimes ask for Uriel’s help to seek God’s wisdom before making decisions, or help with creative ideas, learn new things, solve problems, let go of negative emotions and recognize bad or dangerous situations.

I mulled that over for a stretchy minute, feeling that I was in the ballpark then glanced over at my art table. Spread out next to my artwork, books, paintbrushes, biscotti bits and nearly empty teacup, was a reading I had done last night that I had forgotten about. Being an ex-Tarot Card Reader (still have a few clients), I like to keep a few decks around (try 8 or 9) to read when I want answers to anything that I want answers to. One deck that I like is my Archangel deck by Doreen Virtue. Curious, I got up and looked at the spread and sure enough the angel card that I had picked last night was Archangel Uriel (shakes head, grins large and wide).

Well blow me down, Popeye. You can’t get any more magical than that, can you? This is exactly why I keep on, keeping on, with this glorious magical life that I am cooking. And if I can do it, any one can. All you gots to do is believe.

So what was the message on the card? It said, Brilliant Idea! “Yes, your idea is Divinely guided … please take action (red) to bring your idea to fruition.”

I’m listening, Archangel Uriel, and thanks for the feather.

E.T. Where Are You?

Tags

E.T., Galactic Space Family, Human Sovereignty, Solar Warden, Spaceships

Why haven’t the E.T.’s landed yet? I think that we heroic Human Angels—yes, heroic, because we were brave enough to incarnate on this sometimes brutal 3D planet of the beat-the-crap-out-of-you Apes, are more than ready to meet and greet our galactic neighbors (I bet they smell good too).

I wonder if the frequency of our planet has to vibrate at a higher rate before they can expose themselves to our polluted environment? I doubt it, because they are here already cleaning up our mess and have been for years. Granted, we will have some BIG cleaning projects to do once they officially land, but until then, they are keeping things tidy.

Many people who have had the amazing experience of seeing a space ship fly by their house, post their video on You Tube. Lucky for them, but I want to see one myself. No, let me change that. I want to meet an E.T. in person and then have a wonderful conversation AND get to ride on their spaceship—vroom, vroom! And after that, I’d like visit other planets. I don’t think that’s asking too much, and here’s why. If they are living this kind of life, right now, right next to us, flying around with big smiles on their green faces, why aren’t we?

Just think about that for a moment. Let it sink in …

So why aren’t we living a Star Trek kind of life? Are we not worthy? Are we not evolved enough? What authority convinced us to believe in that B.S.? Why are we still being kept in a prison state? That’s what it feels like, especially when I read all of the books, articles, or watch shows and interviews on anything related to our space family. They have the ultimate freedom and life, let me tell you. It’s like I am looking up at the stars, but my window is covered in bars. I want out.

From all that I have researched about this topic and others, I have learned that a very small group of people on this planet have been keeping an extremely tight lid about the knowledge of our space family, as well as advanced technology, and using it for themselves, while also keeping the rest of us in the dark and enslaved. Do you know that we have a space fleet of about 200 jet propulsion ships called Solar Warden? We also have a space station on Mars that’s been there since the 1970’s. I want in.

Our galactic space family has repeatedly come to our leaders, offering peace since Eisenhower if not earlier, but our governmental leaders around the globe have always turned them down. Nice, leaders huh? The problem, as I see it, is this: We have this elite group of people whom I like to refer to as the Dark Ones (they are sociopaths that are also known as the Illuminati, and other names, but none of them are illumined), who have had an agenda for at least 300 years if not more of world domination and they have worked this plan with ruthless efficiency.

The way that they work is to keep themselves and their plan hidden, like a Fox, and work behind the scenes pulling the strings. That said, they have been controlling our leaders who are really just puppets for the most part. The ones that do try to fight against the bad guys get killed, like President Kennedy. Because they have infiltrated every aspect of our lives, Government, Judicial, Medical, Religion, Education, Science, Entertainment, Food—everything, it makes it impossible to have peace on our planet, because every time one of our Space Family members comes to our leaders to see if they will allow them to help us, they get turned away.

I had read an article sometime last year about some E.T.s that were working in secret with the Indian Government and their military, in a mountain somewhere. It struck me as odd. Why all the secrecy and why the military?

Hello? Space family dudes, don’t you know that our leaders are not working for us anymore, we, the loving people of this planet? The leaders, almost all of them are corrupt, or bribed, blackmailed, or threatened into submission by Murder Inc. So why in God’s green acres are you still going to them?

Why not come directly to us instead?

I say that it’s time for a change! I’ve got the ‘it’s up to me attitude’ now, and I am claiming my human and soul sovereignty and I ask with all of my heart, to you, dear members of my Galactic Family, to come down here and help us, pretty please with sugar on top?

A Dream Augury

Tags

2012, dream augury

It’s been awhile since I’ve written for my blog. My bad. I’ll go sit in the doghouse now. Woof!

Excuses are for people who need them, and well, I am on the needy side of the equation. For all of you astrology buffs out there, my excuse is that Saturn is sitting on my Ascendant, plus Mars is opposing my Sun, and has been since November 11, 2011. For everyone else, it means that I’ve been getting loaded down with too much work, while running an obstacle course, and dealing with losses, past and present.

I’ve been hearing myself say, “Are you kidding me?” a lot lately. In one week, my computer died, causing me a whole host of problems, and then I had to euthanize my cat, my companion for 13 years, which was tougher than I ever would have imagined. I elected to stay with her during the entire heart-wrenching process. And to top it all off, I slipped on a banana peel in the parking lot after leaving my local gym. It was your classic Road Runner and Wily Coyote cartoon episode. Beep, beep!

Tissues please.

So now that my excuses are out of the way, I can begin this post in earnest. Many interesting things will be happening very soon (May/June. It’s actually going on now, but the controlled mainstream media is not reporting it) on our lovely, if somewhat abused, planet and I wanted to give you a heads up. But first, I want to share a dream with you, since it is tied in with what I believe will be happening. The interpretation will be up to you, of course, since any kind of dream is 9\10ths interpretation and knowing how to discern the message of any dream or omen is a skill that is honed from many years of practice. I will offer my own opinion, but as the saying goes, we won’t know until, “the fat lady sings.”

In January of this year I had a really cool dream. Here it goes…

I am at my computer at work, slogging away like a mindless drone (please, somebody kill me—just kidding!) and my son appears, and says, “Mom, you have to come outside to see this!”

So I run outside and find myself on a beach (Long Beach Island, NJ. I work in the woods, 40 miles from any beach), and it’s late spring. I notice the time of year right away since it is the dead of winter and suddenly it’s almost summer (this is important to note for it is telling me when something will likely occur. In the esoteric world, timing is everything and very hard to nail down).

Lots of people are running around, excited or bewildered, and there are news crews with cameras on the beach as well. The tide has completely gone out to sea, revealing a hidden treasure, the one that my son is clamoring about. An ancient building, and I mean like Babylonian times ancient, is sitting about 300 yards out from where I am standing. It is huge, and crumbling, and a sight to behold! I run out, hoping to touch it, but the tide is rolling back in with such force that it is too dangerous to go out into the rushing water.

This dream has been a hard nut to crack. I knew that it was important, but wasn’t sure what it meant. At first, I thought that it was a warning of a personal nature related to my job. Several things had happened at work that I was privy too that made me wonder about my job security. I had worried that my company wasn’t in such a great state financially and that I might be getting a pink slip. But over the course of a few months I have come to believe that the dream is more of a global nature.

In brief, we are about to go through an unprecedented revolution\evolution on this planet, the likes of which no one has seen for eons of time. It’s like this; the finger of God (put in your version of a Higher Power here, or none at all) is going to flip the switch to on.

I’ve known about this since the middle 1990’s, when I started walking a very Spiritual Path. I just didn’t know exactly when ‘it’ was going to happen, although there have been many articles and books written about it (Astrology has been quite good with the timing, I’ll say). Reading them added to my confusion sometimes, but it was the only way that I could learn about the vast amount of information hidden in plain sight that is available to any seeker of Truth. But I found the best information came from my dreams. I could trust them, and with patience and dedication, I learned to how to dreamspeak, and consequently, how the Spirit world communicates with us via symbols.

What I believe is going to happen is that sometime around this May or June, a HUGE revelation is going to occur that will rock our world.

Anytime that I have dreamt about the beach, it meant that something in my subconscious (deep ocean) was becoming conscious (shoreline). In this case, it was an ancient building that was hidden for a very long time and is suddenly revealed.

There are so many levels that I could go with this, but suffice to say, this revelation is going to occur when the massive arrests start happening in this country very soon. In fact, there have been an unprecedented amount of resignations and retirements in the banking/financial industry in just the last few months (for more detailed information, visit, David Wilcock or Benjamin Fulford).

The news reporters that were on the beach in my dream were a clue that this is going to be a public event, and something that I’ve been waiting for to happen. The mainstream media, which is still controlled by the same criminal cabal that is going to be arrested, will finally be able to tell the truth, and then we will finally learn how things were being run on this planet (see the movie, The Matrix, for a clue). And it has been going on for a very long time, hence the ancient building.

After the arrests happen, we will be getting a new financial system to boot. No more dominance of paper fiat. We’re moving to a commodities based system, and it will be backed by gold, but don’t worry though, we have plenty of that shiny stuff. The bad guys were very clever at hiding all of the stolen loot, but the good guys know exactly where it all is. Plus, we will be going back to Common Law. No more Corporate (corrupt) Government Law for us, thank you very much. There is so much more coming, and it’s mostly good, but let’s get through this part first. It’s a whopper to say the least.

Sweet dreams.

Fran Metzman—The Interview

Tags

Author Interview

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Fran Metzman, author of The Hungry Heart Stories. It is a short story collection that deals with the universal search to fill a void.

I found them to be funny, deep, quirky, surprising and enlightening.

In one story, a grieving husband in the darkly funny Right Seasoning conjures up his deceased wife’s presence in the beloved kitchen they once shared.

From My Inheritance Fran spins a tale of a grown daughter, trying to find the love and peace she has always craved with her dying mother to Getting Closer, the story of a woman left with the violent legacy of food that defined her life – we find the characters reaching the low points and triumphs of human emotions.

Especially poignant is the story, The Reunion, about a woman born into poverty who reaches the pinnacle of success but with questionable sacrifice.

Each of the twelve stories and one essay incorporates food as a means to some end or fulfillment. In Metzman’s sure hand we get these fully realized worlds, leavened with passion and sprinkled with humor.

Now, will you please welcome Fran Metzman …

How do you create your characters? What is your process?

Fran: A certain type of character will come to mind, and begin to haunt me. I wonder what this person might do in various difficult situations. I might even write a resume about them – where born, family composition, level of education, good qualities, flaws, how they view life, career, and so on. And then I have a character in search of a plot. Even if there is a particular character in real life that inspired the story, it must be fictionalized to make it larger than life with big complications. That character has to inhabit the setting where I place them in a natural way. And we must have a beginning, middle and an end, no matter that there is a trend toward plotless stories. Given that, if you examine the good plotless stories you will find a connected arc.

What was the hardest part of writing your book?

Fran: I’m not a great detail person. For me, the repetitive editing down to the very core of the story is always difficult. I love, love getting the story out, setting up the spine and tying it all together at the end. The edits can be endless without really knowing when it is finished. For that reason I don’t read any of my pieces once it is published because I see where I can edit it further. That is really frustrating.

Do you have a specific writing style?

Fran: I don’t think so. At least I never deliberately start with the notion I want to write in a certain way. I write in my own voice whatever that might be. What I strive for is having the story resonate with me. I am so happy when that happens for it is a good way to extract insights that my characters express. That is what I aim for – putting my characters in real life situations, watch them sweat it out and develop insights to resolve their issues. That helps me function better in my everyday life. My characters teach me coping skills and how to achieve resolution.

Which comes first, the character’s story or the idea for the story?

Fran: Usually I get a vague idea for a plot and then I think about what type of characters would inhabit that world. The concept that is taking the story along needs a specific setting which is compatible with the protagonist’s resume. I have to invent the right atmosphere that will put the reader right into the story. The plot has to have inventive obstacles that keep the protagonist from achieving what it is they want or need. Then I devise how would they behave if they came up against those difficult events.

What’s a typical working day like for you? When and where do you write? Do you set a daily writing goal?

Fran: I work best early in the day. I always break for lunch and I try to work up until about 3 or 4 p.m. Then I start winding down. I might stop for the day by taking a walk or run errands. If I get a second wind I’ll go to work again work till maybe 6 p.m. I try to write every day but that is nearly impossible these days. The time spent online has quadrupled in the last few years. Then life seems so much more complicated with the stresses of daily living. And it is tax season coming up. Oh, dear!

What are you working on now?

Fran: I have completed a manuscript. The category is difficult to pinpoint – up-to-date cozy mystery, women’s mystery, suspense – can’t say. It concerns 3 women in their 60’s and the 30 something daughter of the protagonist who all fall prey to series of murders and fraud. It’s kind of Sex in the City meets The Golden Girls, but with a mystery element and a surprise ending. It does address the kind of greed that has gripped our society.

To purchase your own copy of the book, see the links below:

THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES
Wilderness House Press
ISBN 978 0 9827115 5 2

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Wilderness House Press

Don’t forget to stop by Becca Butcher’s Blog tomorrow, it’s the next step on the Blog Tour. Here’s the link: Becca Butcher’s Blog